As I write this, I'm laying in bed at 4 am trying to wrap my head around the idea that I'm leaving my mommy and my two puppies to move to a place where I know absolutely no one that is three and a half hours away. I just wanted to write my thoughts down somewhere because sometimes I get too caught up in trying to be....independent. I am independent. My mom told me today that she wasn't worried about me moving away and knew that I'd cope with it better than most people would. I've put up this front, as I'm sure every other college freshmen has, that I'm not scared to move out or go to somewhere completely new. The fact of the matter is I'm completely terrified. How am I going to live on my own? No one will be there to take care of me when I'm sick and I don't know what to do. No one to do my laundry or clean the bathroom when I don't feel like doing it.
I'm leaving my best friend.
Some people have known their best friend for like 10 years, but I've known mine for about two. We were those people that really didn't think we'd ever be friends with each other, but now, she is my sister. She knows all of my secrets, my fears, my worries, and most importantly my dreams, passions, and goals. She supports me in everything, no matter what it is. I've been called crazy, stupid, dumb, fat, mean... any hurtful word you can think of but not one will ever come out of her mouth. As I've lost almost all of my friends, she's stuck besides me and I've stuck beside her. Most people say they lose touch with their high school best friend, but I know I won't be one of those people.
I'm making the right decision.
I'm having all these doubts in my mind, but I also know I will be completely fine. I know I'm going to make new friends, I know I'll talk to my mom every day, and I know my best friend and I will see each other as much as possible. Sometimes you just kind of procrastinate the emotions until you have to feel them. That's what I've done, and that's probably what I'll always do. I probably feel 50% more confident than most college freshmen because I know I can do it. While others are going away to college to party and rush for sororities/fraternities, I'm going to learn more about what I love, and I'm so fortunate that I've grown to be the person I am today with the help of the people surrounding me. It's just scary, ya know?
Here I come college.
